Nancy Cooper: Media Vindication – Thank You All!

This is one of the most intense days I have ever spent in my life. The outpouring of support from therapists, restaurants and the Lutheran church continues to support my hypothesis that – at the core- human beings are inherently good. The emotional highs and lows have had a pretty big amplitude today and seeing the emotional strain becoming manifest in friends and their kids is a reminder that no matter how much this feels like I am in a bubble, it is in fact a very REAL situation.

Today was a day of twists and turns beyond anything one could have presaged. I am saying this as a person who has studied game theory and who makes a living helping firms think through all the unanticipated consequences associated with a particular course of action. The nuance and uncertainty to this unfortunate set of circumstances could never be reduced to a half hour sound bite on the standard media outlets.

It is now 11:06PM. I am finally sitting down to a wonderful meal that my mother and father made for us. Pork Steak for me and Salmon for Theresa. It is so ironic (hope I get the definition right because Alanis Morrissette got wailed on for this) that it takes something as devastating and tragic as the death of Nancy for us all to act like the human beings we all are at the core. The good news is that we are all exposing our core and, as a result, we are having a more authentic human experience.

In a strange way, having to drop the kids off with the grandparents for hours at a time day after day seems to have brought them closer together in a way that seems to truly enjoyed on both sides (Kids and Grandparents) despite the considerable effort involved. Beyond that, I find myself, despite the lack of sleep and the considerable stress, being a lot more patient with my kids and a lot more authentic with acquaintances. I get the sense that I am not alone in these behaviors and the network effect it is having a positive impact on the relationships of everyone inovolved. Today, while driving around I surmised that this might mirror how folks who have been in war together must feel. Despite race, color or philosophy, we are all going through something devastating together and at the end of the day we are all human beings trying to muddle through. None of us is as strong as all of us, particularly if we are open and transparent about our feelings about it and we know that we will be embraced for that transparency. Anyone who has not been through this cannot imagine in their wildest dreams what it is really like.

Who knows, if this keeps up I might actually get into a the same orbit as Nancy when it comes to being a parent. As we discussed in session today, Nancy was the hub of our community and a role model for what motherhood in its purest and most authentic and loving form looks like. We are all destined to become more like she was around our kids as a result of this and for that we will all experince something more profound and impactful in all of our relationships. Thank you Nancy ; )

Now onto my main point for tonight. I derived extreme pleasure in watching Nancy Grace squirm for 34 minutes because she had …….NOTHING. The media hound who was on the phone to my wife no more than 5 minutes after she was on the local news has been stymied. The Lochmere community has come together and is heeding our plea to not feed the media blitz. THANK YOU ALL. If we keep this up for one more day they will move on to the next story and we will FINALLY be able to move through our respective synthesis processes unencumbered by the arrogance and ignorance of the shock and awe media predators.

I must admit to taking secret pleasure in just how far off base they were in their speculation today. Not that this is a good thing, but I must allow myself the chance to laugh….we learned that in our very helpful therapy sessions today.

Lets all keep a stiff upper lip and the “Ferret on two cappuccino” attention span media pimps will move on to the next flavor of the week.

To end on a positive note think about these two ideas that we all believe Nancy would approve of:
- A Run for Nancy this Saturday Morning in Lochmere to celebrate her passion for exercise and sending a message that Lochmere is and will continue to be the best place to live and build friendships in America
- After the run, everyone gathers around the lake area and writes down what they wanted to say but never got to to Nancy, ties it to a white helium balloon and we all release our well wishes into the air at the same time.

More tomorrow…got to sleep.

Nancy Cooper: Social Media to the Rescue Again?

They say bad luck comes in threes. In my case I am certainly hopeful that this is the case. My wife and I were friends with Nancy Cooper, the woman who was murdered in Cary this week. We went to, and were married at, Virginia Tech…we all know about what happened there. Finally, we both worked at Nortel and knew Kathleen Peterson. These three events burrowed their way into the core of our otherwise idyllic lives with a force that is unimaginable unless you have have the misfortune to experience it.

In the last two instances, I was only peripherally involved in the media blitz. In this case, those of us who were close to Nancy have been sucked into the vacuum of the media’s wake. Last night’s sleepless night seemed to focus on the role, and more importantly the agenda, of the Fourth Estate.

My own view at this point is that the Media, as was the case with Virginia Tech, is more after the story they know will sell rather than respecting the devastating emotional strain that those of us who are close to Nancy are going through. You can see my rant on the Media related to Virginia Tech here.

As I said to my friends last night, the media is no longer our friend. They helped us find Nancy…now all they want is the story. Imagine what it was like for us as we watched the likes of Greta Van Susteren on TV last night talking about how much undigested food was in Nancy’s belly. I wonder if she would have had at least one iota of empathy if her dogged and detached line of questioning was was about someone she knew personally. I certainly hope so…I still have faith that at the core we are all pure, it is just life and circumstance that clouds and perverts our inherent goodness.

That being said, and after having been through the other two media blitzes, I have to ask myself what purpose does the media serve at this juncture? Feeding the voyeuristic needs of individuals who are unemotionally attached to his accident always seems to trump empathy and respect for those closest and most hurt by this event. Why?….simple, there are more of them than us and the media will serve the masses.

We are trying to take a page out of Virginia Tech’s approach. We have all agreed to remain mum on this in the hopes that our firm silence will shut down the distrubing images. Please help us by doing the same. Here, on our blog, is a copy of the media response we have prepared. Feel free to print, copy and share it within the community.

If you are a neighbor in Lochmere and didn’t know Nancy well, please join us in addressing the media in the same fashion. As we learned at VA Tech. If we shut down the speculation and focus on the facts we have a double benefit: We help those closest to Nancy to begin the healing process unencumbered by constant imagery that wreaks emotional havoc and we ensure that the facts, vetted through the police investigation, bring us to a swift conclusion.

Thanks for Reading. May the power of the Human Network quell the undue Powerof the Media Networks.

I certainly hope so for all of us who are torn apart by this traumatic incident. We all need room to breathe while the media continues to pollute our atmosphere with imagery and speculation that does nothing but throw salt on our very open wounds.

I know I will feel differently later and I understand that the media has a part to play, and is probably helping with the investigation by getting tips…but for now I had to vent based on where I sit emotionally. So apologies in advance to those of you who take the role of the fourth estate seriously and who treat all people with empathy.